Postcards from the Chrysalis

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” — Maya Angelou

I used to talk about transformation from the butterfly stage. I’d wait to share my experience until I’d fully emerged, my wings outstretched, their brilliant colors bathed in light, dazzling in the sunshine of a new beginning.

I’d have crafted a beautiful, inspirational story describing my metamorphosis, rich with metaphor to bring the experience to life for others. I’d speak from a place of confidence, positivity and triumph.

Right now, I am really wanting to be a butterfly. I keep thinking I am a butterfly. That my transformation is complete. Cue the powerful story!

But I realize that I am very much still in the messy, goo phase. There’s a lot of darkness and it feels like all my structures — all that holds me together and keeps me safe — are disintegrating.

It’s honestly a really challenging place to create from. And an especially challenging place to be inspired much less inspiring.

I am writing postcards from inside the Chrysalis, my butterfly wings still tiny imaginal discs inside my own primordial soup of future self.

Writing about transformation is never easy. Writing about transformation as it’s happening — when things are messy and it feels like everything you used to know is dissolving around you into the vast nothingness of the unknown — oof!