Member-only story
On Being and Becoming Queer
Last week was kind of a big deal. A massive and momentous inflection point on my journey of self-discovery.
A heroine’s journey of curious exploration.
A courageous journey full of twists and turns, of highs and lows.
A neverending journey of becoming.
I didn’t realize it at the time but my last piece chose to come through — and I to come out as queer — in the potent, liminal space between a new moon solar eclipse and the summer solstice. Nine months to the day that I met the woman who changed the course of my life — and opened my eyes to a whole new world of possibilities — with her radiant smile and her sexy swagger.
It remains to be seen whether she will be a catalyst for my awakening or a destination. A beacon of light guiding me forward or a sanctuary of the heart on my soul’s journey. The first and last woman to steal my heart or the first of many. Time will tell.
But what is true is that a seed was planted on the autumnal equinox last year and a queer woman was born nine months later as spring turned to summer. A beautiful lotus blossoming from the mud of my cumulative lived experiences.
A blossoming that broke me open.
A blossoming that is both an ending — a watershed moment of letting go of ill-fitting identities — and a powerful new beginning.
As with all of the pieces in my Contagious Vulnerability Project, the timing was not planned but divinely guided. I felt a quickening like birthing pains in my soul as the piece started to come alive within and through me.
The nine-month gestation period is fitting because I feel like a new mother. One who gave just birth to a new, more authentic version of herself. Simultaneously exhausted and awed —forever changed — by the mother of all rebirths.
Like a new mother, I’ve been swimming (and at times drowning) in a sea of emotions — feeling all the feels in powerful, neverending waves. Tears of joy brimming below the surface ready to burst forth with the slightest provocation.
Honestly, I could really use a “🌈 coming out doula 🌈” (credit goes to my brilliant friend Catherine Connors for this insightful gift which really should be a thing if it’s…
