Light in the Shadow, Shadow in the Light

“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.“ — Desmond Tutu (Photo credit)

“You know you have two parents, right? Two legacies to choose from. You seem really focused on your mom and her shadows and all that you share, but you’re not only your mother’s daughter, you know. You could equally claim your dad’s story as your own. He’s a pretty remarkable guy, and you and he are actually a lot alike! You could focus on his inspiring journey of 93 years and counting rather than her dark, devastating one.” Brandy and I were sitting at the bar at our favorite mezcaleria in Guernville, enjoying a cocktail, as she matter-of-factly skipped these pebbles of wisdom deftly across the sea of my consciousness, sending ripples through me as I considered her simple but powerful questions. In all my years of soul searching, no one had ever invited me to consider this line of inquiry. Invited me to shift the focus of my inner work from the darkness towards the light, from yin to yang.

As my journey of inner healing began, in the wake of my mother’s 20+ year battle with mental health challenges that ended with her suicide at 71, I was all about the light. A radiant, joy-seeking missile. My intention in the face of her tragic ending was to go inward and remove obstacles to joy to improve my mental wellness and avoid ending up like her. A self-described light in the darkness, I was MacShever, the joyful fixer, queen of the reframe, and the silver lining. I was a lot like…