Finding the Light in the Dark Year of Our Collective Soul

“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger — something better, pushing right back.” — Albert Camus

The funk that prompted me to share “I’m Not OK — You’re Not OK” two weeks ago persists, a low-pressure system continuing to cloud my inner landscape. I’ve found myself haunted by my mother’s ghost, plagued by fears that I might follow in her footsteps, the lightness of the first half of my life giving way to darkness in the second.

I’m around the same age as she was when her descent into madness began, triggered a perfect storm of major life events: the onset of menopause, the death of her father, and the end of her life’s work and soul’s purpose as a teacher of music to young children.

She never really recovered from the death of her father and she never found her what’s next professionally. As time passed, she grew more and more withdrawn, drowning in the dark well of depression and anxiety, plagued by despair. Her light went out long before she extinguished it by taking her own life.

At 54, though I continue to defy the odds, menopause is likely just around the corner and, as we celebrated his 88th birthday this August, I’m increasingly aware that my time with my beloved father is diminishing with each passing day. My journey this year of building the startup of me is both enlivening and terrifying. One moment I can do anything and see a dazzlingly bright future and in the next, plagued by…